Three's a Crowd

Ever see Vicky Cristina Barcelona? God damn... it was great. Here is a synopsis - in my own words... love - unconventional. That's it. It pretty much outlined relationships that are anything but standard. I loved it so much because I relate to it so much (that and I just wanted to devour Scarlett Johanson). It has also caused me to put a trip to Barcelona on the "bucket list" (yikes have I really fallen into the "bucket list" phenomenon? eeek).

So, after watching this film, and after some trying times dealing with some repetitive drama, I really got to thinking about what LOVE really is. Once I figure(d) that out, I started to think about what really defines LOVE and by what standards does it have to follow.

I tried to think of my own definition of love (the love I'm referring to here is Romantic love, not Platonic love) and I came up with the following:

1. Love is absolutely unconditional.
2. Love is when you KNOW that you would jump off a building after your love if they fell off, hoping you could catch them and save them. Or that if it came to saving your love from a death full of pain and torture and trauma - that you would absolutely take that burden on yourself, because you could never imagine something like that happening to them.
3. Love is ignoring reason.

I wanted to test my knowledge so I took liberty to consult the ever so reliable Wikipedia. According to Wiki - some definitions of Love:

1. Love is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection and attachment.
2. Lust is the initial passionate sexual desire that promotes mating, and involves the increased release of chemicals such as testosterone and estrogen. These effects rarely last more than a few weeks or months. Attraction is the more individualized and romantic desire for a specific candidate for mating, which develops out of lust as commitment to an individual mate forms. Recent studies in neuroscience have indicated that as people fall in love, the brain consistently releases a certain set of chemicals, including pheromones, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin, which act in a manner similar to amphetamines, stimulating the brain's pleasure center and leading to side effects such as increased heart rate, loss of appetite and sleep, and an intense feeling of excitement. Research has indicated that this stage generally lasts from one and a half to three years.

Wow! What a bunch of fancy crap. Let's dumb it down. Love is the simple phenomenon that can not allow you to live without a specific person. How unfuckingbelievable is that!?!?! It's also a curse.

What if that person you can't live without is simply not able to give you that one thing that most humans deem natural - commitment by means of marriage. It fucking hurts. I sometimes think that there is nothing more that I would want than to marry the man I love more than any other HUMAN on this earth. But for me, I am conflicted. Here is why... I just want more than anything to sleep next to the love of my life, to take care of him when he's unable to do so himself, to cook for him, to give him a child, to support him in whatever he wishes to do.

Now, myself, being a totally NON-RELIGIOUS person - IE there is no inkling of the possibility of the existence of a god in my mind... so marriage would only be a personal (and unfortunately, legal) commitment between myself and my man. But even though you could commit with out being married (which I am wholeheartedly committed to him) I have dreamed of marriage my whole life. And when you find that inseparable bond with someone, it is natural to NEED that promise of commitment.

In Vicky Cristina Barcelona, Penelope Cruz played a fantastically neurotic character named Maria Elana who was in love with Juan Antonio and she said "that only unfulfilled love can be romantic."

I believe that's true. Partially because I have envisioned myself as the woman who will never marry unless it's to the love of her life, and who eventually throws herself from the rooftop in a fit of beautiful romantic passion of never being with the one. But, I also have some close friends who have a beautifully romantic and fitting partner who is so right for them, and they're love is fulfilled, and that just makes me unbelievable happy for them, because I have so much Love for them (platonic, of course hehe).

Well... I fight with myself and I tear my hair out over the MOST PERFECT man. Things are not as I would - and often do - imagine them to be. But I am so lucky to find the most perfect love of my life. And because it is the love of my life - and I would absolutely die for - I accept that our love is most romantic because it can't be fulfilled - and I absolutely can't live without him. So, I keep at it... keep a' truckin' as they say. I realize it's hard to understand for most people. But there are a handful that I am so fortunate to have as my best friends - that understand and completely support me.

<3